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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:36:31 GMT
Another month gone by in a rush, Diary.
Magnus has become more and more volatile the more things go on. I know that I should not be so upset, that he is only doing what he does out of love for me, but I'm frightened
I will simply have to do better. If I do not cause him fear or offense, there will be no reason for us to argue. Each day brings us closer to wedded bliss, when he shall have no more betrayals to fear as he shall be always at my side, and all the world will know I am his. It doesn't matter if he
I know now that I should not dance with others at a ball, and I should not attend them when he is out of the city with his father. I was worried about it when mother suggested it, but she insisted that Lavender needed company, so that she too can find a fiance as handsome as mine. I didn't want to upset her either, but I'm sure she must understand why this is important. I love Magnus, and I would do anything to put his heart at ease.
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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:36:54 GMT
I lost you for a while, Diary! I haven't the faintest idea how you wound up under the bed, especially since I looked there, but the maid says you must have been there all the time.
Welcome home!
Things have been well, and thank goodness they are calmer. Magnus and I spent two whole days just sitting in his garden making plans for what we would plant after the wedding and how we shall make an elegant breakfast area where the roses and my orchids bloom all year for us and our favorite guests. He has even had plans drawn up for a greenhouse twice as big as the one I have now, with an elevated area where he wants to put a fountain for water plants and lilies, with a sculpture of Artemis in the middle, for my nickname. It is all so beautiful.
We are having another ball at the next full moon, for no reason at all except that Magnus wants to dress me up again. He says that he loves being able to see me feel beautiful, and watching everyone else in the room melt with jealousy. I teased that he was too cruel, and he said he was perfectly the right amount of cruel, that he had plenty of practice.
I think I shall try to breed a redder orchid, to go with the red roses he wants in the breakfast area.
I just need to find my supplies---
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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:37:34 GMT
Diary I wish I could know where you have been. A pox upon all punch he said today. No punch at our ball, only champagne. A pox upon all punch...
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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:38:37 GMT
Diary,
I had Delphine over for tea today, as she is perfectly safe company and could not offend Magnus in the slightest--or so I thought. We were laughing and joking about how she once believed I would marry Alistair and she would marry Nick when Magnus came in with a bouquet of the biggest white roses I have ever seen, as large as my face. There were nine: to mean "together as long as we live" and the color white for our marriage; he had considered every detail. And yet, because we were laughing, he thought we had laughed at him. His face went as dark as a storm cloud and he asked Delphine if he might have a moment alone with me.
The poor roses, he dashed them to smithereens, and not even my magic could save them.
I have bruises on my arm again from his grip. He said he knew he was too demonstrative and that I was embarassed by his grand gestures but that I shouldn't make fun of him with friends and daydream about another whenever he was gone. I told him that he had misheard, that I was saying how he had appeared like magic into my life when he returned from abroad, but it took quite a bit of convincing. I'm ashamed to say that I cried, but he kissed both of my eyelids and told me that he should have known I was too good to do such a thing.
We managed to have a lovely tea with Delphine, and he charmed her just as easily as he did me, telling her how lovely she is and how lucky Freddie is to have her. He even said that if he had returned a bit sooner, he might have devoted himself to Aphrodite instead of Artemis! I was quite green, but he caught me and winked, then whispered in my ear that he was only having a bit of fun and now I knew how he felt.
If that is truly how it is for him, I understand now why he flies into such rages! I thought I was going to melt into the floor like a spill of acid I was so jealous. I must be more careful what I say from now; I would never want to imply that there was anyone who might draw my heart away from my love.
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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:39:32 GMT
This time my dress was black, with magnificent red gems along the sweetheart neckline. Lavender braided my hair down my back, and I grew a trail of ivy all through it and around my head like the crown of Artemis. Magnus was so pleased by it I thought he would kiss me then and there, in front of my Mother!
Luckily, he managed to survive until later, when he took me out into the garden to show me the new red roses that are being planted in the breakfast area we designed. There was a trellis to the side where the light was dim and we...
Diary, we are engaged, and I am his. Does that mean I should not feel ashamed of where his hands have been? I am a virgin still for my wedding night, but I suspect I have had a preview of what that might be. I wish I could talk to the vicar, but I have not had time to go to confession with my family--I have been sitting with Magnus in mass as well. I couldn't bear to leave the little room after confessing such carnal things and have him and the vicar look each other in the eye! I will have to find another time.
Magnus is very convincing when he says we are as good as married anyway, and I do so hate to disappoint him. If he would only be happy with me for the rest of my days, I think I should do anything he asked. Especially if what he asks is such a lovely past time...even if I do feel like a floozy afterwards.
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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:40:01 GMT
Diary I've made a terrible mistake. I sh [The rest of this page has been torn out]
Diary, it has been a few weeks and I am starting to [The rest of this page has been torn out]
Diary, how do I tell my mother that [The rest of this page has been torn out.]
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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:40:33 GMT
I can't do this. I can't. I will go to my grave an old maid I cannot do this.
I never thought that one month could bring such a change to a person as it has brought to Magnus and I.
Another full moon, another ball, another attempt at my maidenhood.
The dress was white, today, to symbolize my wedding dress. The lilies in my hair were whiter than snow.
He called me Artemis as he kissed me, Artemis as he tore my dress. He called me Artemis as he held a knife to my throat.
I have never been more grateful for my Mother's invasive nature as I am today.
How could he kiss the bruises he has made and call them art? How could he call me a goddess while he defiled me?
I cannot marry. I must not.
Diary, if I had not been found, what else would he have cut with that blade?
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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:41:11 GMT
My engagement has been called off.
I do not know how I will live in a city where Lorde Bournemouth and his father still reign supreme. I had to undress in front of my father before he believed me about the bruises and the cuts. He called me a liar and a whore first, told me that I was making up stories as an excuse because I was intimidated by powerful men. When he saw the bite marks, that was when it was enough.
I feel worse than a common whore. At least they have been paid for their troubles; all I receive is shame.
He has been here, he has read this diary, he knows my every thought and interest. I am not safe.
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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:41:27 GMT
There have been others. I heard the cook and the maids talking about him. While he was away at Oxford, he pursued another girl with dark hair and green eyes. He lavished her with gifts, he talked of marrying her, although he never proposed. And then, just as suddenly, he left. No one has seen that girl since. They say she ran off to Spain, to have her baby in a convent where no one knows her name. She is lucky to be free. May God bless her and her child, for it is not their fault.
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Post by Miss Morgan on Jan 1, 2021 20:42:01 GMT
I cannot keep dwelling on this. Lucian is right, I need to return to the plants. Surely it is safe to leave my room, so long as I stay on our land? He says that Magnus has gone away again, to Germany this time. I hope he is right, and I hope he never returns. I am going to try to begin again as if this were all a bad dream.
[The rest of the diary is blank. It is shoved into the back of the closet in a chest that contains three extremely beautiful gowns, a book of poetry, several pressed roses, and a red beaded bracelet, with a tiny glass rose.]
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